We Regret To Inform You

A Survival Guide for Gold Star Parents and Those Who Support Them

By Joanne Steen
Central Recovery Press: Las Vegas
Release Date: Memorial Day 2019 
ISBN: 9781942094968
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We Regret To Inform You

A Survival Guide for Gold Star Parents and Those Who Support Them

Author Joanne Steen tackles the subject that terrifies the parents of military personnel–the loss of their son or daughter in an active duty status. We Regret To Inform You addresses many of the thorniest issues that confront Gold Star parents:

  • Cope with the personal loss of a child and the national loss of a service member
  • Contend with casualty assistance, deployment-delayed grief, limited information, unviewable remains, and more
  • Survive Memorial Day and other important days of meaning
  • Honor their fallen child while moving forward in grief

With an honesty found at the kitchen table, We Regret To Inform You provides Gold Star parents with a head-nodding understanding of their reactions, plus a path to survive this life-changing loss, cope with its profound grief and develop the resilience to move forward.

In short, easy-to-read chapters Gold Star parents find thoughtful explanations and trustworthy advice for coping with military grief. We Regret To Inform You weaves together realistic examples with the voices of other Gold Star parents, connecting the readers to the wisdom of those parents who have walked in their shoes. Joanne Steen also provides dedicated chapters for the relatives, friends and professional service providers of Gold Star parents, supplying them with what they need to know about military loss, what to expect in the parents, and best practices on what to say and ways to help them.

Praise for "We Regret To Inform You"

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU helps fill the void in grief resources on military loss for Gold Star parents, providing them with reliable guidance for coping with the loss of their military son or daughter and the validation that their child’s service to country mattered, is deeply appreciated, and will not be forgotten.”

General Glenn Walters

US Marine Corps (Ret)

In my more than thirty years as a grief counselor, author, and educator, I have learned there is a profound need for compassionate and focused care provided to Gold Star parents. A military widow herself, Joanne Steen brings her incredible empathy and intelligence to these pages and helps fill this need. WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU weaves together real voices and practical guidance, and is a necessary read for those affected as well as their family, friends, and professional caregivers.”

Alan Wolfelt, PhD, C.T.

Grief Counselor, Author, and Educator, Center for Loss and Life Transition

For the first time, surviving parents have a book that speaks to their needs, validates their experiences, brings a measure of comfort and understanding, and provides a pathway in their journey of grief.”

Betsy Beard

Surviving mother of SPC Bradley Beard, US Army. KIA, Iraq. Editor, TAPS Magazine (2008-2015)

Joanne Steen offers us a glimpse of how life changes suddenly, permanently, and immeasurably when parents lose a child in the service of their country. This is a sacrifice that needs to be understood.”

General Martin Dempsey

US Army (Ret)

I wish I had this book soon after my son, US Marine Sgt Thomas R. Bagosy, 25, a combat veteran of two deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, completed suicide on active duty at Camp Lejeune, NC on May 10, 2010.

Every word in WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU applies to the grief experienced by my family and me. The “Tips for Surviving Fathers” was especially helpful in that men have been conditioned to not show any emotion or cry, yet all the while our hearts are breaking inside. I only with I had the knowledge found in this book on what to expect.”

Bob Bagosy

Proud Gold Star Father of Sgt. Thomas R. Bagosy, US Marine Corps

Of all the books I’ve recommended to others on grief, this is one of the best. Ms. Steen artfully weaves her knowledge of grief into each chapter in a way that helps Gold Star parents feel understood and validated. Explaining what to expect and how to respond to the challenges of military loss, WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU is not only for those who are bereaved but for anyone supporting this type of loss.”

Patti Anewalt, PhD, LPC, FT

Director, Pathways Center for Grief & Loss. Hospice & Community Care

As a former Chief of Naval Personnel who led the Navy’s team supporting surviving family members after the terrorist attack on the USS Cole in 2000 and the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon, I wish I had been able to share Joanne Steen’s remarkable book with not only the surviving parents, but also my team. Quite simply, I know of no one more knowledgeable than Ms. Steen on how to help parents, spouses, and family members work through military loss. This is a must-have book for all in key leadership positions, too.”

Vice Admiral Norbert Ryan

US Navy (Ret)

Joanne Steen’s WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU is a consoling gift to Gold Star families. Steen offers a compassionate guide to families surviving the loss of a child in a military setting. Families will find useful information and support as they begin their journey through grief.”

Kenneth Doka, PhD

Professor, the Graduate School of The College of New Rochelle. Senior Consultant, the Hospice Foundation of America

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU is one of the best books I’ve seen to date to assist Gold Star parents in grappling with the pain of the loss of their son or daughter. Joanne’s writing style is the same as being with her in person: compassionate, warm, and engaging. I strongly recommend this book as a guide for the parents and also as a ‘quick reach’ reference book for military chaplains and civilian clergy who walk the hard path of being with a grieving parent.”

Major General (Rev) William D. Razz Waff

US Army (Ret)

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU  is a comprehensive, yet practical guide to understanding and coping with losing a son or daughter in military service. Whether you are a parent grieving your child’s death, a caring friend, or a professional counselor, this book will prove an invaluable resource in navigating the complexities of this unimaginable journey.”

George Lutz

Gold Star Father of Cpl. George “Tony” Lutz, US Army, Founder of Honor and Remember, Inc.

About the Author

Joanne Steen is an author, instructor and speaker on grief and loss, with a specialty in military and line-of-duty losses. She is a board-certified counselor, military widow, and the founder of Grief Solutions, a training company on grief, loss and resilience.

Joanne is the author of two books on grief for Gold Star families. In addition to We Regret to Inform You, she also coauthored with M Regina Asaro, Military Widow: A Survival Guide (Naval Institute Press, 2006), which earned them the Distinguished Authors of the Year Award from the United States Naval Institute.

A skilled instructor, Joanne has worked with more than forty diverse organizations. Her clients have included the U.S. Department of Defense, the Canadian Armed Forces, and a host of federal, corporate, and non-profit organizations.

Contact the Author

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